Canned Haggis

Semi Final Team Announced

2008-08-19T15:44:00.005+10:00

Canned Haggis Vs Digglers 8:10 Wed 20/08/08
Andy (c)
Clint
Jilly
Rocket
Torb
Glen
Colin
Ben

Ins: Andy, Glen, Colin, Ben
Outs: Allan, Chris, Dave, Kurt

A-Grade Finals Fever

2008-08-19T11:20:00.003+10:00

The local indoor cricket community have written off Canned Haggis at any chance they can get in this current season. Canned Haggis have replied with a cracking season to make their first A-Grade semi finals. The workload this season has been shared as well as the captaincy, with both Andy an Clint bringing different styles of leading. Winning half of their games has been all it would take to make the finals in what was initially a 8 team competition. Along the way the weekly grind has been too much for a few of these teams and the number has come down to 5 teams. Canned Haggis by gutsing out the tough games and picking up a couple of sneeky skins as well as paying before the game for the 3 bonus points has helped them finish 3rd in the league.

Now it is sudden death. Can the Haggis boys repeat their thrilling last over defeat of the Digglers back in July? Haggis go into this encounter with 4 of their star players out, but their record of being undefeated in any semi final will make the game closer than the experts are tipping.

Kevin Pietersen (South African pretending to be English) - Digglers by 65
Ricky Ponting (Australian Cricket Captain) - Digglers by 20
Pruuny (Canned Haggis specialist fielder) - Canned Haggis by 12

A New Start

2008-04-23T15:43:00.002+10:00

So another season has rolled around, it's time to loosen the limbs and blow the dust off the old box and get ready to face pies, lemons and other various foodstuffs which people like to toss down a cricket pitch.
At the dawn of the new season the Lads of the Haggis find themselves in the unusual position of being in the top grade, a competition normally reserved for try-hards, players who can't cut it in the outdoor leagues and others who just need to chill and take life a little bit less seriously.

How will the season pan out for the boys in navy and lime green? They are older now, and some may say wiser, with one member married and expecting a wee Haggis later in the season, and the skipper recently engaged. Will this prove to be to great a distraction on the focus of the team as they strive to achieve the highest of highs? In a recent interview with Inside Indoor magazine, Captain Andrew Bryan stated that the pre-season training and bonding sessions had gone well over the break and that he feels the boys have gone to another level in terms of their fitness and skills and he thinks they can go all the way and earn the coveted NICC Megabowl for the first time in the club's history.

So dear reader, be prepared for a breakout season from young gun Torb, as he works on bringing the Thunder with the ball and his new found grace and dash with the bat. The team's elder-statesment, Al is bringing back his usual flair and cunning for another season, along with that cheeky wit of his. Back net stallwart Chris is setting his sights on the Holy Grail of Indoor, an 8-wicket over, after having come close in a previous Grand Final - special things are on the horizon for the deceptive, round-arm specialist. Dave, 'The Canon' has been greasing his guns and is keen as mustard to smash down the stumps from the leg side, and has been in devastating form during the pre-season with critics and the media likening him to Lance 'Buddy' Franklin of the Hawthorn AFL Club with his pace and accuracy in the field. The Cap'n is working on his inspiration speaches and is prepared for another six slog-a-thon with 'The Rocket,' who sadly has been traded to a team in Melbourne and will be departing at season end. Already there is weaping from the many female fans of the Haggis. 'The Pruun' is literally jumping out of his skin with excitement for the new season, playing for two teams in the same grade for the first time in a few seasons. On which side of the divide will his allegiance lie? Kurt 'The Door' Richards is loving life in a new spot on the field and has developed his reverse flick throw brilliantly over the break, and is ready to dazzle opponents with his firey pace on the pitch. Jilly, the floater, has returned from a journey away to a place where cricket doesn't exist and the only food to keep him alive was kebabs. Can he cement his place in the side, or will his fluctuating weight keep him forever on the bench?
Only time will tell for this rag-tag bunch of cricket heroes

Chickens

2007-06-25T10:07:00.000+10:00

Hey all, thought I'd chuck in a pic to compare with my South Park character. What do you recon?

Haggis Ninth Man

2007-06-13T10:32:00.000+10:00

Yeah, yeah, I know that it's been an age since I last posted. Truth be told, I forgot my login for a while. Before that, I was just lazy.

Anyways.

Folks, we know Canberra is an absolute bastard of a place to be in Winter. It's a good, thing, then, that we haven't had to call this bloke up from the lower grades. Freeze his little bollocks off, he would.

More South Park

2006-12-13T09:49:00.000+11:00

Stupid blog putting limits on the size of posts. Here is part II of the MTV Haggis/South Park mash-up.

Sorry, Rocket, the animation tool didn't have a rocket-launcher weapon, so we thought we'd give you a chainsaw. I'm sure you'll do just as much damage with one of those.

Artist's rendition of Stirlo, having returned from a South American hideaway, spiritually refreshed, and ready for a comeback???

The man. The legend. Walker, Texas Haggis.

Stay tuned in the coming days/weeks for new additions. Torben, Colin, who knows...

Canned Haggis meets South Park

2006-12-13T09:14:00.000+11:00

You know, some days I'm just sitting at home, and strange ideas pop into my head. Like, 'I wonder what the Haggis boys would look like if they ever appeared on South Park?'

If you also suffer from such bizarre thought patterns, then suffer no more. We are proud to bring you the Canned Haggis South Park gallery (kudos to Clint and Lou for their assistance)

We'll start with Allan, our courageous skipper, rarely seen without a brew in hand.

For the sake of being alphabetical, here's Andy, keeping gloves and all.

Angry Clint - need we say more? Well, yes, we do. Why would any sane man dye his hair and not his beard?

Davo says: "Bring me your chickens!"

Jillard - the most emo man on the planet

Kurt - note the fine fuzz on top of his head

More to come...

Have You Seen This Man?

2006-12-12T00:14:00.000+11:00

This is the last know photograph of Stirlo Haggis. Many months have passed, and no trace of him has been seen since. Rumours flew about a possible ankle injury, and a heavy uni workload, but there has been no news for some time. Several Haggis members have been quoted as wondering if Stirlo ever really existed. Maybe he was just a manifestation of that little piece of Haggis in all of us.

If you do see this man, please assume him to be bearded and cheerful. Tell him his family misses him.

Back in Action - You Little Beauty

2006-12-08T09:58:00.000+11:00

Well, it has been a long time coming, but the Haggis are back in the winner's circle. On Wednesday night, they disposed of 'Never on Time', who were uncharacteristically punctual.

Perennial filler-innerer Colin ensured that we didn't have to take the field with just six players, and his assistance might well have proven to have made the difference in the end. He put in a stellar performance, scoring a bunch of runs, taking a hat-trick, and being Johnny-on-the-spot in the field on countless occassions.

Young protege, Torben, was also spectacular. In just a few weeks he has progressed from a nervous youngster to a seasoned professional. Arsey run-outs, a zack, and some deft defensive shots put old dogs such as Kurt to shame.

Be certain of the fact that the return of J-Hag to the side and the Haggis' return to form was no coincidence. As though he had never been injured, he stepped straight into the game, top-scoring, and gaining the coveted man-of-the-match award from the umpire.

As always, NOT seemed to bring out the worst in the Haggis. Comments from the sideline included, "Did that mother fucker just attempt a mankad? He's dead." Every player got a little angry, but no one moreso than fearless leader, Allan. The fire in his eyes would have melted an iceberg.

Perhaps as a result of this, the Haggis also managed to, along the way, commit one of the biggest faux pas ever seen at the centre. Thinking the other team was one player short as well, they tried to tell one of NOT's final pair that he could not take the court, and that they wanted someone else to bat again. To their horror, they were informed that it was, in fact, a completely different person to the chap who had just batted. "It's OK," one of them said, in a self-deprecating fashion. "We all look the same."

After the game, Pauline Hanson was heard to say "If they can't manage to look different from one another, then they should just go back where they came from."

And we call this the twenty-first century...

Revenge

2006-11-14T11:19:00.000+11:00

A week after suffering a hearbreaking one-run, last-ball loss (stupid umpires), the Haggis boys face up tomorrow night to Where's Terry?, who inflicted an equally heartbreaking grand final defeat upon them last season. The Hag will be looking to turn their season around, with a string of defeats seeing them languishing in second last spot on the ladder.

With Andy flying back from Perth just for the game, lets hope he adjusts his watch, otherwise he'll be turning up three hours late.

Apologies for the lack of recent posting. The powers that be have lumped too much work on me in recent times. Rest assured, there are big plans for many stupid postings of photos and rants. Stay tuned, we may also have a new mystery contributer.

See y'all at 8:10 tomorrow night.

Oh, and kudos to Clinton - 2nd on the MVP table. Good work, laddie, keep it up.

Peace

World Exclusive: J-Hag - Emo lover?

2006-10-10T11:23:00.000+10:00

You may be familiar with Jillard's anti-emo crusade. Leader of the Canberra chapter of the 'Death to Emo' movement, little black-clad bastards quiver in fear whenever J-Hag approaches. It is with great trepidation, then, that we release this exclusive photograph, uncovered from the archives of J-Hag's ASIO file:

If anybody needs me, I'll be in Mexico.

Sav Team - New team or an oldie with a new name?

2006-09-27T11:46:00.000+10:00

Tonights match against Sav Team whoever they may be is sure to test the Haggis on their quest to the D grade trophy for the Summer 06/07 season. New skipper Allan is undefeated in the hot captaincy seat. How long can this last? All I know is that the Haggis are pumped for a big start to the new season.

Rocket makes a long awaited return after sitting out last weeks game, he substitutes Justin of Sick Bickies and Castle Greyskull fame. This change puts Canned Haggis as favorites by the Sportstab paying $1.65 for the win.

Should be an absolute craker tonight. My tip Canned Haggis 3 skins to 1 skin to win by 28 runs.

New Uniform - Option 1

2006-09-20T10:14:00.000+10:00

Gentlemen, I don't know about you, but I feel that there comes a time when you need to cast aside your Lowe's polo top. Mine, for one, has lost the ability to stay buttoned up, treating spectators to an awesome display of chest hair every time I stride in for a delivery.

It is with this in mind that I propose we adopt a new uniform for the new season. The Wild Turkey t-shirts, as you would all agree, were awesome. It would confuse too many people, though, if the Haggis rocked up in those shirts again. Centre staff might think, "Hang on, don't those bastards owe us money from a couple of years ago." At which point we would run for the hills, screaming "SUCKERS!" all the way.

I digress.

Here is suggestion one for the Haggis' new uniform. Those who have not seen Clerks 2 might miss the subtle humour of the shirt. In fact, to some it might seem plain offensive. But it's OK, 'cause I'm takin' it back.

Feel free to leave your comments/suggestions in the comments link below.

Game Day News

2006-09-20T08:52:00.000+10:00

Stirling "Beast of a Beard" Haggis (sorry, mate, I forgot your real nickname) has had to withdraw from tonight's season-opening game with a corked left brain. Too much study, Stirlo.

The late injury has opened the door for Torb "Little Dabber" Haggis to make his impression on the side. Will he live up to the pressure? Surely only time will tell.

Shock Resignation Rocks the Haggis

2006-09-18T10:17:00.000+10:00

*BREAKING NEWS* (of two weeks ago)

The social indoor cricketing world was shocked to hear that perennial captain, Andy "Cap'n" Haggis, has stepped down from lead-duties for the upcoming season. Alan "Dabber" Haggis will step in as caretaker-captain until the squad can decide on a permanent replacement.

Andy will continue to play for the team in a hit-more-sixes-than-anyone capacity, but for now his main goal is to decide on a new nickname. Andy "Former Cap'n" Haggis, anyone?

Tragedy and Redemption

2006-09-18T10:06:00.000+10:00

Dear all,
It is with great regret that I inform you all that the Haggis were valiant losers in the D grade grand final the Wednesday before last. Where's Terry?, two players down, were just too strong for us. Once again, we were left to ponder what might have been, wearing ugly loser t-shirts and drowning our sorrows.

But, in the immortal words of Semisonic's Dan Wilson, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end." That being the case, the end of last season signals the start of the new one. This Wednesday, at 9:30pm, the boys will dust off the beer-drinking and cricket-playing boots (OK, they're the same boots), and step out for their season opening game. Up against newbies Run Out, only time will tell what lessons last season taught the Haggis.

Be there or be soundly square.

Introductions - Rotten Haggis

2006-09-06T12:33:00.000+10:00

It's time for you to meet some of those handsome chaps that make up Canned Haggis. First up, we have Rotten Haggis. Seen here outside of a court house, he swears that he was only there to visit, and was not up on public indecency charges.

In spite of his deficiencies with the bat, he tries very hard, and on a good day can swing with the best of them. Unbelievably, he holds the current season's top score, with a lucky 45 from the grading matches.

With the ball, to say that he has raw pace is only somewhat of an overstatement. He will proudly tell you about the time he broke a keeper's nose. Whatever you do, don't make him angry. Having been hit for the most number of runs of all team members this year ranks with his most shameful acheivements, especially given that he holds the Haggis record for best bowling figures, with 7/-28.

There is no doubt that Rotten is an integral part of the Haggis. He may not be the sheep's intestine, holding it all together, but he is at least the onion - it just wouldn't be the same without him.

Haggis in the Final

2006-09-06T11:15:00.000+10:00

After a great victory in last weeks semi final against Hit and Miss, Canned Haggis have proved the Indoor Cricket world wrong by winning their 4th straight game. After a shaky start to the season winning only 3 of their first 7 games, Canned Haggis have turned their early season slump into some great form leading up to the finals series.

The game tonight against Where's Terry? shall provide great entertainment. Sharing the honours in their last 2 appearances. Both sides have proven that they are the real deal coming into finals. With free beer on the line who knows what can happen?

The Haggis is Online!

2006-09-06T11:06:00.000+10:00

Hey y'all,
If you have come here looking for deep philosophical ponderings, you're a long way from home Hippie Boy. If, however, you're seeking information on the exploits on the greatest social indoor cricket team since the Wild Turkeys, or possibly Teds, then by crikey you've come to the right place.

Tonight, the boys of the Haggis face their greatest test, when they face Where's Terry in the D Grade grand final. With several players carrying injuries, can they win, thereby retaining the precious champion's jug and procuring a trendy shirt? Only time will tell.

Fire up lads!